Harare, 16 March 2010-(SAfAIDS/H-Metro)- She was full of life and raring to go.She was young in marriage and looking forward to spending the rest of her life getting to know her husband and raising children with him.Then it all went bad. He started cheating on her.
Unlike many others who choose to stick it out, she just could not live with the sham that her marriage was and decided to end it.

I wish, as I write today that she had ended it by leaving her husband.
I wish as I write today that she had ended it by walking out of her husband's life.
She should not have ended it by dying. There are always other ways of solving these things, I am convinced as I write today.

I am writing today about the woman who is late now, the young woman who doused herself with paraffin before torching herself in anger over her husband's bed-hopping traits.

I write mostly on HIV related issues and as such feel strongly about issues of human rights and more specifically, women's issues. Studies have shown that HIV, gender based violence and culture are all closely entwined.The story of the late Wadzanai, who torched herself to death, which I came across in a copy of last week's H-Metro, a Zimbabwe Newspapers publication, just a few days before the country along with the rest of the world commemorated International Women's Day on March 8 shook me to the very core.

Did it have to end in death?
Did it have to lead to a loss of life?

Week in and week out we talk about the harm that cheating brings into relationships, families and communities. Week in and out we talk about the risks that multiple concurrent partnerships, the practice of sleeping with two or more people at the same time, pose to couples especially with regards to HIV but do we ever really take heed people?

We have been talking as a country about how bad domestic violence is and how it can lead to loss of life, unhappiness and strife in families as well as fuel HIV infection.

It has been explained that violence against women is not just physical violence but involves emotional and economic abuse, as well, among other several form of abuse.
But has anyone heard the growing voices, the voices that are rising and rising saying "enough with the violence?"

Each time a man cheats on his wife or partner and she finds out about it, she dies a thousand deaths. Even if she does not find out, the truth is she is being abused.
Apart from the fear of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases that a woman whose husband strays constantly finds herself facing, the woman also loses her confidence and is shattered emotionally at the betrayal.

She can begin to blame herself for something that is not her fault and can become a recluse, not associating with others when she is not to blame.

While respecting calls from Wadzanai's family to be left alone to mourn the loss of a loved daughter, sister, cousin, aunt and niece, among other roles- my heart goes out to them and I wish them the comfort that only God's grace and healing can offer.

However I do hope that men and women out there who cheat on their partners with no thought of the pain that they subject them to have learnt one or two things from this unfortunate encounter. Wadzanai will never walk again, now that death has robbed her of her life but what happened to her should not happen to another woman.

I write today to tell girls and women that they matter too.
A woman's life is a life too. We cannot allow someone's bad behaviour lead us into throwing in the towel.

I write today to appeal to you, woman sitting there in the darkest despair because you are being cheated on. You do not have to beat yourself up over it. You are not the one to blame. You can choose to preserve yourselves above all others.

Those who read Wadzanai's story will note that at the time she was driven to torching herself she felt there was nothing left worth living for. She felt that she could not endure any further pain and only had one option left:
which was killing herself.

The story goes on to say that after she torched herself her husband had gone to see her in hospital and mended relations with his wife. While elders say you should not hit a man/bloke when he is down, I am so disgusted at this man and others like him that I can only wonder at his intelligence.

Does it have to take such an incident for someone to think?
To all you men and women who sleep around in this day and age, does it have to take your partner or spouse attempting to kill themselves for you to change your ways?
Does it have to take a death for us to see the folly of our ways as a society?
And fellow sisters, do we have to lose our lives over someone's irresponsibility?
I say NO WAY!

I write today to tell you that if someone is not serious enough about your relationship, and cheats and hurts you, you can leave him. If someone is abusing you emotionally, physically, economically as a woman, report to those who are equipped to assist and move on.
A woman's life matters too.

You would rather be single and healthy without any stress than be driven to the depths of despair by someone who obviously does not respect you or themselves.

I know some men are in the same situation too where they are being abused by women who sleep around and abuse them emotionally but today my focus is the women. A woman's life matters too and as women in this country we should stand up and ensure we do not see any more Wadzanais die right before our eyes.

--------------------------------    
Posted by: Beatrice Tonhodzayi-Ngondo
Email: beatrice@safaids.org.zw

---------
Stay Connected - Speak Your World!